sure, the majority of women love to shop and find new pieces to add to their wardrobes, but i'd like to think that half of these women have set limits for themselves and know when to stop.
i am not one of them.
the other day as i was thinking about this, i realized what might be the problem:
i can't say no to a good deal.
the retail industry thrives on women like me; they create promo codes, red tag events, and "members only" sales. for the latter, they make you feel really important because you've signed up for their "exclusive" email newsletter and you'll be the first to know about upcoming sales, promos, discounts, etc. etc. etc. a part of me KNOWS that i'm not the only one to sign up for the emails, but the other part of me feels really special.
i pride myself on being debt-free. it feels really good to not have a burden like that on me and my family and for the first time in my life i'm finally starting to make a decent living.
BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAVE!
i never can seem to come out ahead, and that worries me. after receiving my tax return last spring, i realized that people who make less income than me are living in their own houses and paying a monthly mortgage. i've been living in the butt-crack of south calgary for almost 2 years and never thought i COULD own my own home so i never tried. fortunately, we have found a much better house to live in come november 1st, but the lease is only for a year so we will once again have to figure out where to go in the near future.
before having jane, i was travelling this retail wormhole alone, but now she's my silent (literally...she can't speak) cohort in this crazy-train of never ending clothes! i had big plans for this year on my maternity leave; i was going to spend every day outside in the summer, not spending a single dime of my hard earned employment insurance, and saving it for a potential down payment on our future home. BUT THEN i had a baby girl, and no baby girl clothes for her to wear. so i began buying a few key pieces for her tiny wardrobe and was satisfied since babies grow like gremlins in water. BUT THEN i started finding online stores that shipped to canada for a decent price...
i found instagram shops that sold new and used designer baby clothes. after a few months of shopping, though, i have nothing to show for myself but a closet that would probably rival the offspring of carrie bradshaw's.
i finally decided yesterday that i was going to change this. realizing i have a problem is the first step, right? now i have to figure out how to do it!! as i thought about this while jane was napping and i had finished up the latest episode of sons of anarchy (i'm on season three...does jackson EVER get his baby back or what?!) i was trying to remember when the last time i was truly, overwhelmingly happy.
i thought of two instances.
the first was when i was living in ottawa and had recently been dumped by a guy i fell real hard for. i was absolutely miserable, and realized that i needed help getting through this, so decided to (and i'm going to get real "churchy" here for a moment) live my life completely in line with the beliefs i was taught and grew up with. i volunteered any opportunity i could. i was kind to everyone around me. i forgave those who had wronged me, and i had compassionate on the people i didn't understand. after a few months of this, i was sincerely content (and even stopped spreading rumors that my ex-boyfriend still wet the bed).
the second time was three days ago when i was carrying jane down the stairs. she let out the happiest little laugh and i was completely overwhelmed with joy.
"i was supposed to be a mother," i thought to myself.
as i recalled both of these examples, i realized neither involved J Crew promo codes or 40% off the last ticketed price.
i will always love clothes, this i know, but if i can figure out how to moderate my obsession and save for bigger endeavors (like being first-time home owners), i know it will shape the person i'm supposed to be.
(...i'll just wait until after black friday, though.)